In A Puddle of Tears

It is 3am and I just finished feeding Logan. Sleep has left my sleepy eyes, so here I am writing.

I'm not one to tell all, but on the flip side I'm not much of a private person. I say this because as of late I had been dealing with a little bit of depression. I had been dealing with it in private, afraid of what people would think. I would cry when I was alone, but then it got worse and I would cry in front of Mike. I couldn't understand why! I mean, it was difficult to get pregnant, so I was ecstatic when we found out the IUI had worked! So why was I so sad? I had wanted this child for a long time. I couldn't understand it.

Finally the health care provider who came to visit and see how I was doing asked the right questions. I broke down in tears, and told her all. She smiled and explained to me that I was relieving all the emotion that I had bottled up before and during the pregnancy. After all it was harder than I had expected, stuck at home, no family close by, and dealing with much on my own. My body was just trying to healthily get rid of all the emotion. Once she explained it all, it made sense to me. I thought it was just emotion from the birth! It made me feel so much better, and not like a failure. She told me that it was great for me to have opened up to her. If I had continued to deal with it on my own it could easily gotten so much worse.

I am not saying that I am completely feeling better, but I am on my way there. I have learned in the past that from sharing some of these hard personal trials I have made some great friends who have or are going through similar things. Sometimes someone just needs to share what they went through to help someone else.

I am a Momma Bear! I love my little Logan, and would do anything to keep him safe from harm. In knowing this now I feel I can talk about what I am going through. It was wonderful to have my mother in law here for a week. But I can't express how excited I am for Mike to be done with school, so that we can move back home.

I love England, and all the wonderful people I have met,how could I not(look at the beautiful picture below)! I want my family close by. I can't wait to go to Texas! I miss it! I want to move back there, but living in the USA will suffice. I want Logan to meet all my family!

What I am not looking forward to, the long international flight I will have to make on my own with a 2 month old! It is terrifying me to think of it!

Cheers!